I feel 100% about having put out my authentic artistic self without reservation. I'll know more tomorrow morning, but I'm looking forward to whatever the future might hold... regardless of the specific outcome of the audition.
Music is a tricky business and high-performing individuals can sometimes get dusted by those with more flare or more charisma. And poor-quality individuals can win jobs just because the talent pool was lower than hoped for. In fact, these particular aspects aren't unique to music at all. In this audition, I don't believe this was even a concern as my competitors seemed highly qualified. Which is one of the reasons I can genuinely live in peace about this.
It is also why it is grand that I can walk away feeling like they received everything they needed to make a good decision. And if they decide to choose someone else, then I can be confident that it was for all the right reasons.
Cynically, musicians need jobs to get other jobs. One line on a resume helps you put in another line, in a vicious cycle. Far more genuinely in my case, I'm supremely eager just to have an orchestra to call my own! To be a part of a family! A great team! To make great music and choose great repertoire! So yes, I want it. But I can live with myself because I know that they got the best of who I am as a musician. I can say truthfully that I will be happy with any outcome.
Perhaps not equally happy... But happy.
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